Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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