you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize