What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
