There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
