did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I understand Curling. That high.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
