Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I have fence marks all over my body
Randomize
