I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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