I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
