I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
