Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
