I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
