i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
