I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
