Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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