your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You're a waste of cheezeits
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
