Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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