I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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