...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
