She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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