wat bout pragnant strippers??
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
