Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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