beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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