Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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