my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
