just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
