im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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