she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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