my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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