I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
