don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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