I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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