I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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