i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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