would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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