I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
