Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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