You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
