I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
