we have pet lesbian snakes
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
