i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
