Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
i've created a new STD.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize