i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
