Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
