He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
