How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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