There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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