Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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