i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize