You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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