i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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