new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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