went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Randomize
