i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
