well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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