Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
