I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
