SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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