Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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