I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
