Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Randomize
