No, drunk sperm still make babies.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
