I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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