You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
