what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
