let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
