the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
