I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
