Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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