I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
