Having a random hookup so left but love u
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
