I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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