i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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