Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
