Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
