Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
