felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
