last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
