He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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