Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
