Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
