forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
