my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
