had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
