Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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