We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
