Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
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