I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
3 2 1 whiskey
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
