the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize