some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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