How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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