Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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