Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
