I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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