I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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