Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
