I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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