What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
